How to set healthy boundaries
When we think of self care we usually think of face masks, bubble baths, fuzzy blankets, a good book, or something that’s super relaxing and comfy.
I’m building a business making self care products, I know and love that form of self care.
However, self care has another side to it that isn't as comfortable as a lavender bath bomb and clay mask.
Sometimes self care is setting stronger boundaries or having a tough conversation, or saying no to things you don’t want to do. And these are tough sometimes, but you're not doing it alone.
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Have you ever stayed late at work because your boss wanted you to? You had other plans, but you didn’t want to say no to your boss.
Have you ever hosted an online party for a friend but really didn’t want to but you did it anyway because it’s “what a good friend would do.”
Have you ever heard a friend say something that really doesn't sit well with you, and you stayed silent because you didn’t want to ‘rock the boat’?
If you said yes to at least one of these, it could be a sign that it’s time to re-evaluate your boundaries and practice enforcing your personal boundaries.
People will not like you less, if you stand up for yourself.
And if someone decides they don’t like the version of you who sets boundaries and stands up for herself - then they were never your type of person anyway.
A person who benefits from your lack of boundaries is the only person who will like you less when you set strong boundaries.
Let me repeat that because it’s kinda juicy - A person who benefits from your lack of boundaries is the only person who will like you less when you set strong boundaries.
A friend who wants to see you happy will encourage you to set boundaries with your time and your life because they know that it’s true to you and they value you and your emotions.
But it's your responsibility to assert your boundaries, everyone has different boundaries so some people might be crossing a personal boundary for you and not even know it.
You can say things like, “hey this is kinda awkward and I know this probably wasn't your intent, but when you say or do X, it makes me really uncomfortable.”
Or to say no to someone, thank them for their offer, say no. This might look like, “Hey thank you so much for thinking of me to watch your dog, but I’m unable to at the moment, if I think of anyone who can help I’ll let you know!”
Or if someone asks you something that you’re not willing to talk about, simply say, “I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”
It’s not always that simple, but most of the time it is.
You’re in control, it might feel awkward at first - but it’s a breath of fresh air and it gets a little bit easier every time you practice standing up for yourself.
A simple tip for practicing this, is to start with standing up for others, then when it comes time to stand up for yourself - you’ll be ready.
You’re worth it.
XO,
Liv